November 28, 2018
September 25, 2016
Ladies, you may or may not know what the “good on paper guy is,” and it’s cool either way. For those that do understand that phrase, help me to grasp the misconceptions that occur a few weeks or months after you meet a guy. I mean I’ve met guys that have it going on surface wise and based on what they tell you. But why do things sometimes drastically change? Suddenly, the guy isn’t that catchy now that you “know him, know him.” It’s like he plagiarized or something and you forgot to look at his sources and works cited page!
Granted, that’s the way things go sometimes. Your dating life with that person is groovy, and then that person turns into a not so nice guy or heaven forbid, a monster. Run for your lives! No but seriously, when can I meet someone that isn’t just “good on paper?”
Do I need to lower my expectations? Should I stop thinking about the “good on paper” part? I’m not sure! To be honest, I’m sure there are instances that some of you can relate to where the guy really was what he said. Maybe he IS the marrying type. Maybe he DOES actually want to be friends first and see where things go. Guess I can give those guys a little credit.
In the meantime, I just want to meet/date a man who’s honest and has flaws that we both can deal with together. I have to wonder, does the “good on paper guy” type even exist? Or maybe this type is real.
Can the next dateable man I meet just be, genuine?
With love The Black Carrie Bradshaw,
May 12, 2016
Diamonds in the rough
Lately, I just want to be treated like I’m royal. Is that too much to ask? What I mean is, sometimes I just feel in the shadows or like I’m too much of the homie or girl you can call on for anything because you know she’ll say yes. I want to feel valued, not treated as an expense. I’d much rather be treated like a diamond, a rare but one of a kind diamond that is no doubt special.
Do I give to much? Am I right to feel this way? Women are diamonds to me, even the rough ones that lost their way. I, WE deserve better. When I give so much I would like to receive as well.
Like diamonds. That’s how I want to feel.
What do you think? Vote below!
April 11, 2016
Episode 2: “Love Me Back”
Check out the video here: http://youtu.be/WTFw3TPmldQ
The Black Carrie Bradshaw
I recently received an email/question from a young woman who said she came across my blog, specifically the “Love” section. In my beginning stages of beginning Labels, Love, and Living I considered keeping the blog just about love, but I knew that I had a lot of interests writing about fashion and health. When I talked about love I likened myself as “The Black Carrie Bradshaw,” not quite an expert on love but I like to give advice or share what others are experiencing.
If you are familiar with the show Sex and the City then you know that the fictional Carrie Bradshaw was no expert either, she in fact got herself into so much relationship drama and could barely help herself! However, what I loved about the character of Carrie was that she had so much passion behind her decisions and she was often the go to girlfriend that the other women typically confided in. Upon receiving the below email from a woman that I’ll call “Miss-informed,” I thought that maybe I could try out giving advice to women who feel a little bit stuck. Again, I am no expert and my single self definitely doesn’t have all of the answers. But, I like to think that I have a knack for being a good listener and offering support. So, below is the email I received, click here for my response to “Miss-informed.”
I recently came across your website, it is so simple and personal. I really liked the love section where you talk about being single, dating, and feeling like the black Carrie Bradshaw, lol. I’m not sure if you have any advice on this but I have a problem that I’m dealing with and the relationship I am in. Basically it’s like this, my boyfriend and I have been dating for 7 months and overall it has been great, he is so chill but fun to be around with. He’s into starting a real estate business and reuniting with his father. Here’s the issue, he shares a two bedroom apartment with his ex-girlfriend! And he didn’t even tell me. One night I told him I would stay overnight since I hadn’t yet. I get there and had to use the bathroom. I found women’s beauty products on the sink! I asked and confronted him about it right away. But he was just like, “We’ve been broken up for a year, we’re really just good friends, don’t worry yourself.” Isn’t that a little wack?! What do you think? I really have love for him but feeling some type of way about who his roommate is. I really don’t know what I should do about this…
Dealing with a problem in your dating life or even on being single? Submit your questions to: firstname.lastname@example.org
-The Black Carrie Bradshaw
14 Days of self-love
Valentine’s Day is on the way, yes! Ok, too dramatic I’m really not that excited. February 14th since circa 7th grade has always made me feel bad about being boyfriend-less. Granted in middle school nothing spectacular was really happening cause really, what could a pimply 13 year old boy buy for me anyways? At the time maybe he could take me to get a happy meal or maybe stop at Kim’s corner store on 54th street and buy me a pack of my favored Winterfresh gum? Fat chance! That generation of boys weren’t that thoughtful trust me. In my 7th grade classroom half were into trading Pokemon cards while the other half were worried about slapping asses and figuring out what to do with their adolescent manhood. Gross.
Fast forward to now the men I have come to know and meet have progressed to that same selection of males. Only now the population of men that I meet are divided into gamers, hipsters, cheaters, and part-time lovers. My options are limitless! Oh, goodie.
All joking aside, the specialness of V-Day is never that remarkable for me. Every time I have dated or began to get to know someone it’s over before it really started. But no worries. I’m not good at playing a violin 🙂 so don’t leave just yet! No sad songs or woe is me over here.
For this new month of February I am doing a 14 day challenge. I would like to carry on this way of thinking beyond the challenge!
So what is the challenge?
Each day I will focus on doting on myself a little more, even on my laziest, all over the place days.
Each day until the 14th I will post the ways I have shown self love, even if it is very minor. The idea is to be more productive in praising myself and taking care of me. This challenge is not to be vain but victorious.
Self-Love Day 1- I hit the snooze button to give myself extra time before getting ready for work and realized I need to take better care of my sleeping habits. I need to give back to my mind and body by getting enough sleep. No more snoozing. Time to snap out of a bad routine.
Self-Love Day 2- By the horns I have taken on creating opportunities for myself. Even if the outcome is unknown I still make an effort. I have positive things on the way. Today I grasped on tight!
Self-Love Day 3– Today I had a day off from work. I really did a better job of taking care of my wellness, I prayed, listened to great music, and I cleaned. My check list wasn’t complete by bedtime but I am ready to tackle more tomorrow!
Self-Love Day 4- I felt so much relief after I finally sorted through a very large pile of mail. With help from my mom we organized the mail that was a priority or that I probably shouldn’t toss, then we shredded repetitive statements and junk mail. I bought a small table from my local Family Dollar to store my reading books and other items. It may sound silly but purchasing the table made me feel more put together. I love being more organized!
Self-Love Day 5- Today I realized more of what my strengths are and the feeling was great! I also found comfort in keeping some anxieties at bay and I kept a positive mind. My self-love tip on reaching my goals: Own it, say it, claim it!
Stay tuned for Day 6!
From my heart to yours,
June 3, 2015
“Tender Love” is a classic 80’s R&B song but in this posts case I’m referring to Tinder the dating app and wondering if finding love is a possibility. I’m no stranger to online dating for I’ve tried a few different sites some free and some not. I’m not opposed to it and I’m not a true fan of it either. Sure there are “successes stories.” Heck my own sister met her now husband on a dating site and in my opinion she’s got herself a great man. As for me my social and dating life is _________, undefined?
With slight pressure and questions at my sisters wedding of, “When are you next?” or “You’re not dating anyone?” I felt promoted to give Tinder a second try. I mean online dating I guess is the equivalent to meeting someone in person that may pursue you. The thing with online dating it is not so much pressure, but there is the waiting to hear back from the person you may find interesting or setting up the ever so awkward “meet up.” With Tinder I find the lack of an option to “maybe” like someone or their profile isn’t something a user can do. Maybe the creators are looking at it as either you’re interested or you’re not. It is in a way a faster and less intimidating approach to cutting or “swiping” to the case. Swipe left for “Nope” and right for a big stamped “Like.” Easy, right?
That notion remains to be seen and discovered. Summer is on the way and I’d be more than willing to have some good, clean fun with some potential dates! A good “catch” like myself has to wonder, who’s arms are going to grasp my heart?
The Black Carrie Bradshaw
April 14, 2015
- When you’re the MOH (Maid of Honor) of the crew the pressure of being the brides “go to person” is hard work. Especially if she’s your sister! Do you go beyond your usual sisterly duties? 😉
- I would like, again LIKE to be able to limit myself to being a bridesmaid no more than twice, if possible. My luck in the love department is scarce, I couldn’t fathom the “3 times a bridesmaids never a bride” curse! Oh no, I’m not superstitious….sometimes.
- Wearing a great dress on May 30th will make me feel special. Even though all eyes will be on the bride. *Wink, wink*
- It’s clear that you have to keep a positive frame of mind when working with other women in the bridal party. The smaller the better. Dividing up responsibilities is helpful!
- Assuring the bride that like Bob Marley once sang, “Everything’s gonna be alright,” can possibly ease yours and the brides anxious mind.
- Cherish the challenge. I’m new to this but I wouldn’t want my first wedding as a bridesmaid to be for anyone else. Grateful it is my sister.
- If you don’t have a date yet for the wedding pretend he double booked himself. If said date doesn’t quite exist, keep pretending.
I have to wonder, will being a bridesmaid change my nonchalant attitude on finding “the one?” While I ponder about that I am certain the wedding day for my sister will be one filled with love and longevity for the new married couple. Cheers!
January 27, 2015
Love thy television
On a snow day the TV is a typical go to as you laze about, and that’s cool! Especially if you don’t get a lot of time to watch television until the evening it is alright to binge on your day off.
Are you a sucker for a romantic movie? Maybe play your favorite if you own it or search for films to watch via Netflix, OnDemand, or whatever you use to watch movies not in your possession. I for one have a 3 disc movie collection of Audrey Hepburn films I could watch. Roman Holiday, Breakfast at Tiffany’s, Sabrina, a classic bunch to say the least.
I’ve also begun watching the Sex and the City series again for the bajillionth time. Though I skipped ahead to one of my favorite seasons, season four (SPOILER!!) when Carrie gets back with Aidan. *Insert frustration of the outcome*
So love your television set, no judgement.
December 14, 2014
Beards can be funny, and it depends on who’s wearing one. There are the beards that suit the motorcycle guy type, the chopping wood in the forest type, the rocker type, the city guy who gets the ladies, the business man who keeps it trimmed and neat type. Or there’s the “I don’t give a hoot I just want to grow out a beard” type. I could be totally wrong or stereotyping these groups but it’s what I have seen!
Anyways I have taken notice in men that have a beard, especially if they have a whole look that complements my preference. There’s something about a man with a neat or even semi scruffy beard, it’s…sexy.
But beards are hard to come by, it’s not a common appearance that you see, at least not where I live :-(. I don’t know if some men just prefer a more clean shaven look or some hair on the face works better for them. Is it more maintenance with a beard? Whatever the case if it were my choice for my soon to be man (still waiting), I wouldn’t mind a beard.
What’s your take on beards, barely notice or bring it on? Vote below!
November 29, 2014
Video Diary: Continuing the journey of loving me, always.
-Watch it here!
September 28, 2014
Brides, Babies, and Bachelors
Yesterday I went to my cousin’s bridal shower, she’ll be getting married in two weeks. The gathering was nice filled with plenty laughs, family riffs and lingerie gifts. I am especially happy for my cousin for taking the step of marriage as it something almost foreign in my family. I got thinking about the growing rise of twenty-something people taking the walk down the aisle and becoming one in their union.
No, it is nothing new for a person to perhaps marry in their twenties but for my generation it just seems more glamorized and known. My own sister is engaged to be married next spring, it is an exciting time for her and for me as well. As the maid of honor I am put in a spotlight where I feel I cannot mess it up. I mean my duties probably won’t differ from what I do on a daily as her sister but in this respect I guess I am supposed to go the extra mile to be sure her bridal needs are met. No pressure. *Insert nervous face here*
But yet again I cannot be anything but happy that my sister will soon be married due to hardly anyone in my immediate family are. Pretty soon my sister will be picking out her wedding dress and I can’t help but hope that I too will be trying something new on. Plenty babies are being born in my family within the last year so the life of a mother is not on my checklist just yet nor is marriage. However, I am in the market to try on a new love. A new job, and yes a new man.
I am in the business of landing a bachelor who’s interested in getting to know me. I have been an eligible candidate for quite some time and the desire for some fun is obvious. I recently went on a date or I think it was, an old friend from high school wanted to hang out so I said why not! But come to think of it after his initial inquiry that we SHOULD hang out it was ME who reached out and said, “Let’s go out.” Upon his agreement it was me who picked the day and time. It was a mutual feeling that we should go out for lunch that day but thinking back I am not certain if it was more than that. Seeing as how I haven’t heard anything from him I am unsure what it all means, if anything.
And so I have decided to play it safe and let it flow not being over-bearing or acting like I care. Honestly, I don’t but I do care about my time and not wasting it for a quick fix or mixed signals. It’s like with Carrie and Big in Sex and the City, when he didn’t want Carrie to go to church to meet his mother, he acted as if he was ashamed or too caught up in his own busy life to make room for her. I need someone to make room for me.
Through all of the brides, babies, and supposed bachelors in my life I have to wonder, where do I fit in?
The Black Carrie Bradshaw
September 15, 2014
Baby it’s cold outside: Cuffing Season?
If you’ve heard of the phrase or you know from experience the saying, “It’s cuffing season” then you’re familiar with the meaning behind it. A simple Google search and I learned, “Cuffing season is a portion of the year when men shed their summer bachelor skin and start to feel lonely as the weather turns colder.” If you agree with the meaning or not it’s sort of tough without taking notice how true it is! Every time the cooler temps roll in there seems to be an array of men and sometimes women proclaiming the “taken” status in a new relationship. And it’s so obvious on social media by the Facebook status changes or photos displayed for all to see.
Now one could argue that it could be a coincidence that this “cuffing season” occurs. Maybe the person just happens to meet someone as summer has ended or they are putting themselves back on the dating scene. It’s possible that maybe the person was so busy during summer that poof! their new flame has arrived now that they’re available. Who knows!
But I have to wonder, is cuffing season a tacky trend or an innocent occurrence? Is it really love, or merely to warm up a cold bed? Is the phrase itself kind of sexist? Vote below!
Lish, The Black Carrie Bradshaw
September 7, 2014
Luck be an Old Maid
It was a few weeks ago and I took a mini vacation to Atlantic City with my mom and aunt, it was at the very least short and my luck ran out very quickly at the casinos. Like some of the spiraling casino landmarks that are closing, I too felt bankrupt but with an ounce of hope that things would turn around.
We took a trip to get away from our usual routine which in a nutshell individually consisted of babysitting, backaches, and boredom of the sameness. So I was beyond excited to drive the about fifty minute drive to the small land of greed, hotels, and salt water. I needed the outing to be relaxed and literally not sweating small stuff. When we arrived at the shore I was immediately filled with pure happiness that we had arrived safely and that my mini vakay had begun.
Thinking of Season 5, episode 3 “Luck Be an Old Lady” of Sex and the City where Carrie, Samantha, Miranda, and Charlotte take an impromptu trip to Atlantic City to mix it up from their lives in Manhattan, I was struck by certain similarities in our trip. As with the girls as they traveled to Jersey to bounce back from “same York” as Samantha called it and to also celebrate Charlotte’s 35th or for her, “sticking it at 34.” My mother, aunt and I like the SATC crew were in search of a new view outside the dusty streets of Philly. And yes, while we have been to Atlantic City more times than I can count it was good to get away. However, my planned escape turned into a repetitive happening or happenings that I was NOT cool with.
Throughout our trip I was met with constant text messages from my sister who very much knew where I was and what I probably was doing. No matter to her she continued to send me random and usual messages that we delve into on a daily. But at that time and what I knew would be a short stay I didn’t want to be bothered with non-vacation topics. An innocent mishap on her end but a bigger mistake on my part for even responding. I didn’t want to not respond for she would only keep messaging me, even as my dry responses were, “Oh, wow.” She couldn’t get the hint! But my lovely sister wasn’t the only one for my mom and aunt were greeted with other outside stuff from home, phone calls, discussions of things they needed to take care of once they got back.
So like Carrie, while I was only ready to live it up, gamble, lay on the beach carefree, I was halted by those around me or not really. Like in the SATC episode Charlotte wanted to stay thirty-faux, Samantha wanted to watch Richard’s every move, and Miranda just wanted to wear her stretchy pants, unwind and maybe catch up on sleep. It was as if the girls couldn’t just let go and ENJOY their time away. I for one like Carrie who went to grab a saltwater taffy by herself, I ventured to the beach but in good company with a good friend who lives nearby. We stretched out to lay on the sand under the umbrella sun-kissed, and allowed the silence between us to signify our need for tranquility.
Once I stepped outside of my mom’s bummer mood of not winning on the slots, and my aunt’s phone calls from home, I was able to enjoy my beach day. Even with questions of, “Why gamble?” in my brain I still took the chance and tried to stick with my play to win attitude. I won nothing….at the slots that is because the trip made me wonder, why be down on your luck for borrowed stress? It is stress that does not belong to me or at least stress that I do not need to hinder me from having a great time. Love may be still making its way to finding me, even as I sometimes feel like an old yet young maid, I can work towards finding a happy feeling despite any disruptions.
We left Atlantic City with damn near pennies in our pants pockets, aching from a too hard hotel bed, and maybe some sand at the bottom of my beach bag. But we left still family, still grateful for the time away. And though we would be going back to our city with a few same routines and text messages, we made it back to live and love another day.