Am I living my “best life?”

“I ain’t going back and forth —” but let’s.

It is possible I’ve said this every year since becoming an adult, “This year went by fast!” Most times, it’s because it has. I can think back to being a teenaged me and even further back at age 4 watching my mom sweep up the fall leaves in front of our apartment. Each year that God has given me I have been taught to be grateful, and as I grew older I fully understood what it meant. I used to (and sometimes still do) despise the saying, “Life is short.” Mainly because of it’s exact context or that in some ways it rings true. But in an optimistic and less morbid fashion, I’ve always chosen to not dwell on that phrase and focus on the here and now. The here being my life, and the now being what I have.

As much as I cringe at the thought of it, this year of 2018 did in fact go by fast. Or did it really? I don’t know! Each year that I have been blessed with sometimes feels like the previous one when it comes to time. New year comes in, then it’s the slowness of winter, the same snow, the same ice. Work gets harder, you loathe the fact of going in, you complain and get up anyway. Spring rolls around and you begin your summer plans, festivities commence, concerts are attended, beaches are visited, boom summer ends. Next thing you know it’s Labor Day, Halloween, and just like last Thursday, Thanksgiving. The same holidays and the yearly usual happens, nothing short of all of the rest of the happenings of the world, some great and oftentimes, too damn sad.

When I think about time it honestly scares me. Not sure if it’s just me, but when I think about the hours in a day and all you have to make the most of it (or not), it’s just weird. Daylight comes and you have a specific amount of time to do what you have to i.e. work, school, run errands, watch TV, dine-out, etc, whatever it is. There’s like this invisible allotment of time to do things. At least to me in seems that way. So when it comes to time, occasionally I don’t manage it well, I whine when I’ve wasted time, and in my head criss-cross my arms if a day goes by too quickly. Told ya, me and time have a weird relationship. But as I grow older and hopefully the wiser, I understand time and timing more. Some days are more difficult, but I’m beginning to understand.

I recently attended a workshop about the Law of Attraction. If you’re unfamiliar, it is basically the belief that the energy you put out into the world/universe be it positive or not, it is essentially what will be “given back” to you. At first I was a little on the fence about this theory. Sometimes I feel I put out let’s say positive energy, but don’t always get the same in return. Or if I put into the universe that I want to fall in love and it doesn’t happen. The saying goes “You are what you attract,” or something like that. So it’s possible I just wasn’t attracting the right person? But that’s a different post. šŸ™‚

Anyway, I feel that the theory of attraction holds some weight in some ways and I relate it to time. In my case when I was working on my book of poetry I wasted a lot of time to finish. I would find any excuse not to work on it and in turn I lost track of my goal. I didn’t “attract” the right energy so the book was unfinished. It wasn’t until this past June when I actually created a plan, took the TIME to work on it that I actually finished and published it this past September. I felt accomplished and proud. Fast-forward to present day and side-eyeing November being almost over, I think about, am I living my best life? I write this in the most not being ungrateful way.

This year the catch phrase, “living my best life” has been the social media hashtag holy grail. The phrase even accompanied many songs of this year. I admit Lil Duval’s song “Smile (Living My Best Life)” is a favorite. But to analyze it further, I think about if I am living my BEST life. What I mean is yes, thank God I am here. Though I’m thinking more closely to the word “best.” I guess it can mean whatever you so choose. For me I think about, “Am I accomplishing my goals? Am I going after my deepest desires? Am I living my truth?” I may not have all of the answers in this moment, but I’m thinking about it and I know I can do more.

An outsider looking in might look at me and say,

-“Girl, please. Didn’t you travel a lot this year. You went to Turks and Caicos, Paris, Mexico right?!

-Don’t teachers have the summer off?”

-Didn’t you write a book??

I might look back and say, “Yes, and?” In the nicest way (cause that’s just me šŸ™‚ ). But traveling and having summers off doesn’t mean life is complete or there isn’t more to see and do. Because it’s just that for me, and mentally I have had to face some things. But I have a pocket-full of ideas and dreams just waiting on yours truly to be taken out and shared. What’s stopping me? Nothing really. Timing? Money? Perhaps. Trust me, it is something that gnaws at me almost daily.

I know I’ve accomplished a lot this year and it ain’t over yet! So while I have yet to decipher “living my best life,” I know what I am doing, and that’s living. Just like Snoop said in the Lil Duval song, “You got a lot to be smiling for.”

With love,

ā¤ Lish

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