Fall has arrived, hard to believe yet not really. The months have been a blur since the ball dropped for the new year of 2014. But really, where has the time gone?! Well I guess the answer is simply that, it is gone, a memory. And as we focus on the present it can be hard to deal with the speed of time especially if you’re asking yourself, “What have I achieved?” or thinking, “I still didn’t get to that.” I for one have hit a rough patch, too often obsessing about time and freaking out if I don’t get something done. Then I begin to feel I am somehow delayed and therefore a champion of procrastination.
True, there really isn’t THAT much time in the day and as long as you try your hardest that’s all that should matter. But I get anxious, more than I have ever experienced, so as the days go on and the months have breezed by I am scared. Somehow I put myself on this imaginary countdown that says I should have done a task or goal by a certain time. I came into the new year ready and so eager.
When February rolled in I would say to myself, “Ok, by April you’ll have the job you’ll love.” April arrived and left. Then it was May, then July, and now it is almost October. I am still waiting and I feel I have been patient, and even when slowed down I have tried to maintain a lifestyle where I keep busy and positive. So as the new season is officially here I yearn to “fall” back into a healthier me, a me that didn’t allow fear to lead.
I came across a video I recorded on April 8, 2011 and I talk about the inevitable “5 years from now” question. It looked like it stemmed from research for my graduate thesis project. It is interesting today three years older looking at myself wondering if now I am the same. How have I changed and how can I get recharged to continue to believe?