In two months I will be…dun dun DUN! 28 YEARS OLD! I honestly don’t know where the years have gone, I can remember turning 21 years old, even 14 years old not that long ago or younger than that for that matter. But time has gone on and I am grateful for my life, good health, and enough strength to keep growing, even when I feel down. Today I reflect on myself and my life post-college. It seems that everything before that was just playtime, carefree, just being young. Now, most of what I think about is my career, bills, and how time is going super fast. It’s like this, as a kid or even as a teenager I never gave much thought about growing old or that my parents and other family members older than me God’s willing would grow older too. I hadn’t thought that as I age they would too because I still see them in a certain way. Perhaps I spend too much time focusing on time, how much is left in a particular day or how much time I have to make it to work. Time to me is precious but it also scares me.
However, I digress from being time obsessed as I type this and just get to the goal at hand, and that’s to compose my “Dear Me” advice to myself. Often, probably too often I am giving advice to others but rarely for myself. But because I am on the path to learning of my worth and swimming eagerly to new beginnings I’d like to give advice to my younger self. Because she, me, stayed inside my head a lot and had so many expectations of others but not putting enough pressure on myself. This isn’t a “things I wish I did back then” sort of advice. It’s more of notice to the memory of myself, specifically my teenaged self and post-college self to bring full circle who I am today, and she, me is pretty great. Here it goes.
The fears you kept inside you from a very young age of being taken advantage of sexually, that was fine. The incident of a man you didn’t know who tried to coerce you into his car, he’s gone now, he didn’t harm you or will ever harm you. Your hesitation at 12 years old not wanting to have sex even though some girls in your class at that age were, you were right to wait. Because you began to mature very early you appeared to be something you weren’t or hadn’t done. It was ok to want to grow up and discover yourself, to love who you are before anyone had “taken” the most precious symbol of your impending womanhood. When you had insecurities about your dark complexion because mean children or media poked fun at it, there was nothing wrong with your skin. There was nothing wrong with wearing bright colors or letting the sun shine on you for more than five minutes. Your skin is beautiful, it tells a story, your story. So don’t think about it as being “dark” because like the moon glows on a clear night, you are special, and your mahogany flesh is not ugly. I wanted to also tell you, younger me that not every plan you have will be laid out in detail for you. There is no blueprint for anyone’s life but having goals and aspirations are the road map to follow. And just because you have always felt no one noticed you or remembered you after some time, you will be acknowledged. It will be beyond someone recalling your name or how to spell it or pronounce it. It will be beyond accolades of degrees upon degrees. It will be your talent and your smooth and relatable personality that people will notice. Whether or not you are most popular or that you become a trending topic when social media rolls around, that’s not important. “Likes” and “shares” do not matter, your compassion does. Don’t hold your life next to someone else who appears to have it better than you, don’t measure yourself as less than. It is ok to be a work in progress or that piece of artwork that’s unfinished, your canvas is not complete, and even if things are going well still aim high. Because you will fall down but you won’t stay there. You will question career choices or almost relationships. You will lose friends and make new ones, and the ones that were there for years they know who you are, you don’t need to prove yourself or be a pushover. You have to know that it is ok to say no sometimes or make a decision that you feel was for the best and your safety. Again, you have nothing to prove. Patience matters, prayer matters, positivity matters. You will learn who you are from experiences. Don’t let any mishaps discourage you. Don’t trust those who do not have your best interests in their hearts. Trust yourself. Proceed from there. Never stop loving you, because you’re going to need you. Remember, love you always. Always love you.
P.S. What advice would you give to your younger self?
Check out my “Loving Me” video here!